Friday, September 10, 2010

IS IT POSSIBLE? I am getting cleaned up for the day, I realize my thoughts are getting in the way. 
I asked myself this question and could not concentrate after.....

If I look back at the momentous events in my life, have I been in control, or have I always lived in the minute and assumed everything would always work out?

Thursday, September 9, 2010


Hello again, sorry for the delay(I know all my fans were anxiously waiting my next post..all 2 of them!)

I was all ready to come home from my family weekend with a lot to say, all positive......then Tuesday on our way down the mountain, I talked myself out of it.  Yes, I talked myself out of the positive feeling I had going to sleep on Monday nite.  I mean what weekend had I attended?  Certainly not the one I had created in my mind....a weekend of fun with my kids, my husband, and my husbands entire family.  Great food, great talk, and great laughter for most of the weekend...couldn't be it....those kinds of weekends don't exist.  Not with the kids whining about swimming, the constant extended family that is always around, the food that took to long to cook and cost to much to supply.  The fact my husband didn't assist, that all I wanted to do was read and could not find 10 minutes to myself......on and on and on and on and on.  This is what I allowed my mind to do to my on Tuesday as we road down the mountain from our last family camping trip of the season.  Wow it only took 2 hours to ruin the memory of 4 great days!

Soooo, it seems I am having difficulty with the mental pieces of my process... I did all the things I had hoped, saved $$, did yoga, contributed to additional exercise (even if it was a bike ride to Starbucks...doesn't that cover a couple on my list?), and still I was able to conger up some really bad thoughts.  WOW, this is going to be actual work!

Number 5 is what I really wanted to work on, (sex) but again seemed to forget we were spending 4 nights in a camper with no doors and  3 kids.  (did I mention, I have two girls that have been joined by my 17 year old niece..more on that story later) anyhow, trying to find time was not an easy task, we even tried at the lodge with no much for romance in the mountains!  (unless you count the numerous times his parents discussed their sex life and "when the rv is a rockin"  ARGGGG)

With that said, I will be writing for the next 7 days....commitment right? 
I hope to share some insight, great insight that is waiting to be uncovered through a week of PTA meetings, soccer games, and yearly physicals, so make sure you tune in tomorrow!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


Okay, so day number 2.......time to bring in the big guns!  I read my post from yesterday, and see that I used the word "burdened" in my first paragraph.  Not the best way to start my new found divinity...guess I have more work to do than I thought.

Just to put the record straight, I do NOT feel burdened by my family, or any of the exciting and fun-filled trips to school, soccer practice and the grocery store.  I will be more careful with my choice of words moving forward.  Reminds me of a saying my friends and I used all through high school, "always forward, never straight" (We thought we were pretty witty back then!)

Well, I have made my commitments.  5 of them to be exact.  These are the pieces of my being I will be working on in the next 12 months.
  1. SPIRITUALITY-this is where I will need a lot of my time, I am not sure where I even stand on the whole, spiritual/religious realm.  (this will also be where I work on eliminating the negative thoughts and spoken word)
  2. $$$$$.  I will be saving and thinking before I spend...(this may be the most difficult of all) plan to save $2000....this is to be spent frivolously by the entire family!
  3. I have made a commitment to get in better shape, and to participate in at least 4 walks, runs, biking or some type of physical activity attached to charity in the next 12 months.  I will also be attending at least 2 yoga classes (bikram) a week and 1 yoga class that teaches the mediation piece of the sport.  (can you call Yoga a sport?)
  4. Procrastination -STOP IT ALREADY!
  5. SEX.  I plan to have more of it! (this will also include overall intimacy with my husband ;0)  This is my favorite part of the plan, one I will start immediately!
So we are off to the races! (wonder if those in my life are ready for the new me....)

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

So I read the book!

As the title states, I read the book.  Have to say I loved some of it, and was tired by the seems as a society we are very interested in others and how they somehow find divinity in their lives.  But every time I read one of these stories, I realize I am reading about someone that might as well be a little green man with 3 eyes and 4 arms that traveled here from a place far-far away.  They always seem NOT to be burdened with anything other than the fact they need answers. 

Don't get me wrong, I love a good story, or better yet, a great story.  And I do hold a deep desire to believe this type of personal transformation is possible, what I haven't quite figured out is how to do it. 

I am a 41 year old woman, with 3 children, a husband, a mortgage, and so on.  I find it hard to visit my yoga classes on a regular basis, little lone find time to delve deep into my own psyche.  With that said, I have hope.  I do believe, on a very high level, that we can find divinity.  But lately, I am wondering how to do it in a world filled with supermarkets, trips to school, and soccer practice.

If you are interested, and I hope some of you are, I plan to take a 12 month trip of my own.  I plan to choose the 3-5 aspects of my life keeping me from own personal ZEN and work on them.  Maybe we can brain storm together, maybe share ideas that transform...but mostly I am hoping to go through a personal transformation that will allow me to continue to love the life I am living, the one that has been laid out for me by the decisions and experiences I have had.  (one I can maintain on a soccer mom's budget)

Join me will you?  I am divine, and I plan to remind myself of this fact for the next 12 months.